End of the First Week Rant

I have completed the first week of TMS treatment.  And I am going to be honest:  I think I hate it.  I hate the noise, even with earplugs.  I hate the pain (it’s peak migraine season for me, so I can;t just safely take a daily tylenol).  I hate having my eyes water the while time.  I hate how it has fucked up my sleep.  I hate having my mom drive me to clinic every day.  I hate how it’s making me put my life on hold.  Furthermore, I’ve been depressed since I was 17.  What if I hate who I am without depression?

And I’m frustrated because for the past year, I have tried to be grateful, figuring even if I can’t be hopeful, I can be grateful.  And I have great medical care, family, insurance.

I don;t know.  Maybe this will pass.

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